help wanted

· still breathing

everything seems to be up in the air at this time
everything seems to be up in the air at this time
one of these days
it’ll all settle down, but
everything seems to be up in the air at this time

     --camper van beethoven

when this it hits the fans, boy does it ever. it seems to be catching. deep breath and the big “what’s next?” feeling. bustin’ out all over starting to sound purty good.

standing on the corner, i didn’t mean no harm. just for the fun of pronouncing it po lease.

a propos of nothing but the chaos and the recent epiphany about “wow, i can afford a file clerk… and more,” looking for an Assistant Literary Agent (trainee) in the S.F. bay area to work in my Oakland office, hack the flow, and learn the business on the job. see debussy fields or hank gurdjieff in our human resources dept.

road narrows

· still breathing

driving up 14th street to work this morning, i saw men at work in the road, using one of those tools that digs up asphalt (a back hoe?), painted a dull yellow with those corrugated teeth on the digging part and swooping neck making it look like some sort of dinobirdanimal, and at once i felt that boyish delight in things both powerful and colorful. it also explained the sound i’d heard at time from my office window, almost like a helicopter, with a basic shuddering drone and then the pterodactyl screams of the teeth biting tarmac.

a temp is doing my filing even as we speak. it’s a luxury i can finally afford (or rather, can’t afford to do myself anymore) and she seems like a really nice person, but it does feel sort of funny not to be able to scratch my ass if i want to.

had a great time at my agency‘s annual conference in san diego. i just got back but am still digesting all the industry news and gossip i heard and all the personal contacts and leads i made.

bulldog breathing

· still breathing

greg morocco bulldog breath severance dropped me note sometime between yesterday and today to let me know he’s diarylanding too (morocco.diaryland.com). Nice to have the company. I tried using the blogger tool that syrup‘s been having a ball with lately but I think the tight security at ezone’s host defeated its attempt to ftp the stuff over.

soon, i hope to start collocating (sp?) my own little linux box (in new york, of all places) and even in the meantime i plan to move my old homesteadpage to its own domain, xianlandia.com.

blah blah blah. this all sounds much more boring than it is to me, having gestated these approaches and solutions and nomenclatures for eons of internet years.

need to take some photos so i can renew my passport by mail. off to a conference in san diego tomorrow so i can’t send my old passport in yet if i want to stroll over to tijuana with a writer friend old buddy from editing days at sybex.

life is grand.

the shoe fits!

· still breathing

new shoes! new shoes! my feets are so happy and snug. i guess i swear by ecco. my feet are size 44 in their system, though i could wear a 43 on the right foot, which is a tad shorter. both feet seem to keep getting bigger (flattening out under my weight? loading up on fluids?), now between 91/2 and 10. My poor old Ecco Walkers are about ready for some dog. I’ve been wearing them nearly every day, day in day out, for at least the last three years! In fact, one of the pairs of new shoes I bought was the exact same shoes, I love them so much. The woman at the store told me Ecco is discontinuing them. It’s their original model! I almost bought a spare pair for three years from now. I got another pair of Ecco shoes for dressier occasions (black, pointy, shiny), although I think they look great with blue jeans.

scamming is easy

· still breathing

looking for refills for my mach 3 razor, i parked at the walgreen’s near 51st street and telegraph. before i figured out that the refills were kept behind checkout number one, i witnessed an odd charade: a woman returning a dented pringles can for one dollar, grinning at me in bluff abandon as i interrupted the routine, the two counterpeople head’s down and extremely polite. after i got in the confusing line that lead to either checkout one or two, an older man pushed his way through the disorganized line, rushed out the doors, and set off the alarm system as he went. the woman at checkout number one made a face but no one ran after him and i wondered if this is what the good times mean in the poor neighborhoods.

dosin' the baby

· still breathing

don’t keep dosing the baby. that’s one of the things i learned the other day. that kid in self who doesn’t know the name of anything but has a cat-like feel for what’s really going on. ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny they say. i know that’s greek to most. ontogeny is the development of the fetus in the womb, roughly. phylogeny is the evolutionary tree key to classifying animals and other relatives of ours. in the womb, the fetus recapitulates evolution, some say, explaining why human embryos, for example, develop gills early on and then undevelop them.

just so, each day you live out the entire story of your life. you are born in the morning and before you slam down that coffee you are still as innocent and vulnerable as a newborn. forcing yourself into adolescence before your time, you head out into the world, probably driving too fast, to meet your destiny, your job. at the end of the day you are more tired and weary than you expect. your faculties fade with that second glass of wine. you’ve eaten too much. before long you are missing part of the conversation and finally you give in to blessed sleep.