It's a small world 'o crap, after all

· Salon Bloggers

My current favorite Salon blog is World o’ Crap. Basically, it’s hilarious. It goes after the righties in power without the usual liberal deference and nuance-balancing. Instead, the author offers a full-throated in-your-face style suitable for radio. Sign her up quick!
Here’s what had me laughing just now:

When she’s not busy being an action figure, Ann Coulter likes to tout her book on TV and AM radio. So, it was no surprise to learn that Ann was a guest on the Rush Limbaugh show Monday (filling in for Rush: some guy).

I listened to the interview via the audio file linked to Rush Limbaugh (proving that I will do anything, no matter how self-destructive it may be, to have something to write about). And here is my summary of what Ann had to say …

Some conservatives have criticized Rush Limbaugh, showing they are willing to denounce their fellow conservatives just to get liberals to say they’re consistent in their views. Now we know who the girls are in our movement.

Yeah, because if the choice is “Criticize Rush for his drug abuse and hypocrisy, so I can be consistent with my deeply held beliefs about drug abuse and hypocrisy,” or, “Defend Rush, so I can show solidarity with my fellow conservatives, even if that makes me a hypocrite,” I’d better pick the latter, or Ann will call me a girl.

Oh, and Ann, aren’t YOU a girl in their movement? Oh, right. Never mind.

Nobody can fire me but the American people, and they keep buying my books, so apparently they like me.

No, Ann, those aren’t “people” buying your books, it’s Satan. He buys them by the truck load so your titles will appear on best sellers lists, and people will despair, thinking that there is nothing good or decent left in the world. Sometimes he gives out the books to college students, in the hopes that their impressionable, young minds will be warped by your ideas, and they will join his army of the damned. Plus, he gets a tax break that way. And sometimes he just burns them, to keep the furnaces in hell going full force.

Bottom line: no actual “people” like you. And while Satan won’t recall you anytime soon, since he is getting a good return on the fame and fortune he gave you in return for that shriveled husk you called your soul, we’ve read enough of the Book of Revelation to know that eventually your firing will come, Miss Whore of Babylon, and it won’t be fun!

No one is going to defeat Bush in the 2004 election, because when the nation is under attack, you can’t trust a Democrat with national security.

Yeah, like how we were losing W.W.II because Roosevelt was giving our national security secrets to Hitler. And then Truman took over, wimped out over using the atomic bomb, and we were conquered by Japan. Good thing we didn’t trust THOSE traitors! But here’s an interesting bit o’ info: History’s Wartime Presidents Suffer Curse of One-Year Term

Not a single U.S. president who has led the country into a major war has gone on to serve another full term in the White House. Not James Madison after the War of 1812. Not Woodrow Wilson after World War I. Not Lyndon Johnson after Vietnam. And not George H.W. Bush, who won a popular war but was unable to win over everyday Americans a second time.

In fact, of Lincoln, William McKinley and Franklin Roosevelt – the only presidents to win re-election after leading the country into wars – none survived more than a few months into his final term. Lincoln and McKinley were assassinated. Roosevelt won his fourth presidential election in 1944 and died of a brain hemorrhage a few months later at 63.

So, this means if Bush Junior DOES win in 2004, he’ll be dead by 2005. A compassionate person would hope for his presidential defeat, Ann.

I’m working on another book. It’s going to be really good.

Yes, in the tradition of Libel and Slander, we think it’s going to be called Cannibalism: How the Liberals Eat Your Children. Satan can hardly wait for it to come out.

And that was the end of interview. Well, it wasn’t so much an interview as a chance for Ann to recite her “greatest hits,” and to mention her book about 50 times, and to defame other conservatives by calling them “girls.”

[World O’Crap]

Note, everything I cut from this excerpt was as funny as what I kept. I just wanted to include some highlight from just one post to whet your appetite.