Orgasms, praise, and money (not necessarily in that order)

These are the incentives that truly motivate me. Is there something I told you I’d do several weeks ago that remains still undone? Did I promise you a considered reply to some thoughtful communique of months ago? Was there a list of interested reviewers I promised to provide you weeks ago that I finally did provide you but only after the publicity person went on vacation so that the reviewers are still waiting for their books even now a few weeks later?
Well maybe, just maybe, someone else jumped the line? How did some last-minute task that just came up today or this minute or even yesterday get done before that thing I told you I’d do for you? It’s possible that the person attached to whatever other obligation has been cheating on the line offered me one of those incentives that really get me moving: orgasms, praise, or money. The praise has to be real, actual praise, the other two seem to work even if they only hold out the hope of a potential payoff down the road.
What have publishers got that you don’t have? What do pornographers have that you haven’t got? What’s the one thing you can offer to motivate me even if you’re broke or disinclined to give me pleasure: support, kudos, kind words, feedback, keep up the good work, nice try, better luck next time, we still love you anyway, etc.