physical clutter, the joys of clearing

· bodega

wow! did one of those regressive thingies where you realize that doing some big put off things will make life so much more pleasant that doing the necessary things will be fun. the old “there’s no time to do that now” is what made the mess in the first place. this phenomenon does not merely describe my physical space. it happens in my brain and in my body as well. inattentiveness. awareness is the apolitical spirituality. stay in the moment, pay attention, breathe, do what feels needed.
man, it was half a foot thick piled tightly like brambles on my dresser. got out three wire baskets and sorted: (i) writing stuff (including old to-do lists and letter and postcards), (ii) technology and music info notes and stubs), and (iii) CDs and cassettes.
also a lot of trash, a lot of dust, a lot of shake. old credit cards from the wallet that came back (see earlier journals), still needing to be cut up. i think doing that later today should feel very powerful.
[note: true…

..felt great!]
when i started plowing through the dresser top (peeling off CDs and cassettes, all piled along the right end, was an easy way to make some visual progress), i felt my heart and lungs open wide, like a fist had stopped clenching there. maybe not that strong actually, but it was a rush, a suprising delight. this? this is what that old demon prokrastinates had been nursing a fear of? looking at stuff, discarding things, putting things away, putting things together, noticing things – fun things – still to do (for instance, found i have a stash of interviews, several of which i look forward to transcribing). sure, there’s still stuff to put away. my room looks messier than ever. the dresser top needs mopping. but it’s like a fresh wind is blowing through. the myth of the augean stables.

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