Proposed Santa amendment

· long story short

So Bush has come out for an amendment banning gay marriage. Here’s Kerry’s line from today’s news, unusually sharp and on point: “All Americans should be concerned when a president who is in political trouble tries to tamper with the Constitution of the United States at the start of his re-election campaign.” Very nice thump.
Now I happen to be pro gay marriage. But even for those folks agin’ it, can recent events in Massachusetts and San Francisco really be so alarming that it’s time for the President to starting looking into revising our Constitution?
I’m pro gun control. I’m pro choice. I’m against prayer in school. And I’d be opposed to Constitutional amendments reinforcing any of these positions.
All that said, I have a daughter in kindergarten, see. It’s a public school, see. And the things she tells me about — the things that go on there every day are unbelievable. For example, there are these loudmouth 8-year olds in this school, and they’re going around telling some of the 5- and 6-year olds that Santa isn’t real. Like, at recess. We’re Jewish, so this isn’t a particularly huge crisis for my daughter. But still, I’m deeply troubled by all this. In fact: It’s an outrage!
These are rogue 8-year olds. Smudgy kids with sinister intent. Something must be done. I’m therefore calling for a constitutional amendment making it a misdemeanor to tell a child under the age of 8 that Santa isn’t real, unless you already know that the child in question already knows that Santa isn’t real, or you have it on good authority that the kid’s parents don’t particularly want the kid to believe in Santa, in which case, just try to make sure you aren’t overheard, alright? Alright.
(One quick aside here: if you’re reading this, and you’re a 7-year old who still believes in Santa, don’t worry. Cecil’s just kidding. Ha ha ha ha!)
All right then. So I’ve got the torches and pitchforks and a xerox of the Constitution and a big red pencil. Who’s with me?!!