Things you will never hear on the Band Bus…
- Ladies, I’ll need to see some proof of age, please.
- Boy, I can’t wait till we get to Okaboji.
- No, I could hear the monitor just fine, I screwed up the change.
- I walked her home, shook hands, and came straight back to the bus.
- Go ahead and roll ’em down the aisle, they’re only cymbals.
- Should we go back and get the drummer?
- Gee, I wish Buddy Rich was on the bus with us.
- The leader nailed every tempo perfectly again tonight!
- Wow! Everybody played perfectly in tune all night long, again!
- Boy, it sure is fun playing all those old Glenn Miller and Armand Piron arrangements!
- Can you believe all the money we’re getting?
- Man, I wish we could get the guitar player to turn up a bit louder.
- No thanks, I don’t smoke that stuff.
- Hey, who cleaned up in here, this bus smells like a spring breeze.
- I sure hope we reach the next town in time for Mass.
- What a great career! Sure glad I didn’t become a dermatologist like I’d planned!
- I can’t wait to get to my private hotel room so I can have eight hours’ uninterrupted sleep, a swim in the pool and a couple of margaritas with my complimentary steak dinner before the gig!
- Yeah, I got into music mainly because of the money, job security, benefits and the opportunities for advancement… and these great bus trips, of course!
- We close Sacramento Saturday night and open Butte Monday – Sunday’s sure gonna be fun!
- Hey guys, let’s do “The Bear Went Over The Mountain” just one more time, ok?
- So, are you more heavily invested in growth or value funds?
- Nice to be back in this cozy bus again, hangin’ with my pals.
- Aren’t these jazz festival promoters and club owners the salt of the earth?
- Too bad our chick singer got pregnant. It sure is fun working with vocalists.
- Don’t you just love talking jazz with the fans? They are so knowledgeable.
Sue W. sent around this list and it’s more comprehensive than a cursory check of Google could do (Things You’ll Never Hear on a Musician’s Tour Bus, Roadie.net: Top Ten Things You Will Never Hear on a Tour Bus), so I labored to HTMLify it for all you good people.