Things you'll never hear on the band bus

Things you will never hear on the Band Bus…

  1. Ladies, I’ll need to see some proof of age, please.
  2. Boy, I can’t wait till we get to Okaboji.
  3. No, I could hear the monitor just fine, I screwed up the change.
  4. I walked her home, shook hands, and came straight back to the bus.
  5. Go ahead and roll ’em down the aisle, they’re only cymbals.
  6. Should we go back and get the drummer?
  7. Gee, I wish Buddy Rich was on the bus with us.
  8. The leader nailed every tempo perfectly again tonight!
  9. Wow! Everybody played perfectly in tune all night long, again!
  10. Boy, it sure is fun playing all those old Glenn Miller and Armand Piron arrangements!
  11. Can you believe all the money we’re getting?
  12. Man, I wish we could get the guitar player to turn up a bit louder.
  13. No thanks, I don’t smoke that stuff.
  14. Hey, who cleaned up in here, this bus smells like a spring breeze.
  15. I sure hope we reach the next town in time for Mass.
  16. What a great career! Sure glad I didn’t become a dermatologist like I’d planned!
  17. I can’t wait to get to my private hotel room so I can have eight hours’ uninterrupted sleep, a swim in the pool and a couple of margaritas with my complimentary steak dinner before the gig!
  18. Yeah, I got into music mainly because of the money, job security, benefits and the opportunities for advancement… and these great bus trips, of course!
  19. We close Sacramento Saturday night and open Butte Monday – Sunday’s sure gonna be fun!
  20. Hey guys, let’s do “The Bear Went Over The Mountain” just one more time, ok?
  21. So, are you more heavily invested in growth or value funds?
  22. Nice to be back in this cozy bus again, hangin’ with my pals.
  23. Aren’t these jazz festival promoters and club owners the salt of the earth?
  24. Too bad our chick singer got pregnant. It sure is fun working with vocalists.
  25. Don’t you just love talking jazz with the fans? They are so knowledgeable.

Sue W. sent around this list and it’s more comprehensive than a cursory check of Google could do (Things You’ll Never Hear on a Musician’s Tour Bus, Top Ten Things You Will Never Hear on a Tour Bus), so I labored to HTMLify it for all you good people.