developing: President Bush is a habitual onanist

· Handy Retort

On the eve of the first presidential debates, some say President Bush has developed an unhealthy addiction to onanism. Sources close to the President have recently noticed that his hands are never more than 6 feet from his guy-parts. Never. Not during cabinet meetings. Not playing with his dog. Not watching “Jimmy Kimmel” on the TV. Never.
David Bronsky, an independent voter in the battleground state of Ohio, wonders what it’s all about. “What’s the point?” he asks. “And what other reasonable explanation could there possibly be? Besides a profound addiction to onanism?” He pauses to sip his morning coffee, then shakes his head. “There is none. There is no other reasonable explanation. He should get help.”
Let’s be clear: As a citizen, Bush can spend his spare time however he wants.
But as president, well it’s a matter of character.

Handy Retort #3

· Handy Retort

Another snappy answer for Cecil’s collection: “Wrong leadership is not strong leadership.” (TM Orcinus, which is having a helluva fine blogging week and where you should read the entire post, including the very long litany of “Just remember: It wasn’t Democrats who…”)

Handy Retort #2

· Handy Retort

Have you been following the whole forgery thing? (Short version: new docs surfaced yesterday with more national guard-related badness for Bush. Today’s news has some experts saying these docs are really forgeries because of particulars re the typeface.)
OK, so what if one of your Republican buddies stops you in the hallway tomorrow and says: “see, those docs are forgeries. He’s innocent! Innocent! Innocent! and blah, blah, blah” — what then? Try this:
“Great. They’re forgeries. Now show me the forgeries that prove that his presidency doesn’t suck.”
(do you spot a theme developing here…?)

Handy Retort #1

· Handy Retort

Going into the home stretch here, we’re all going to need to have some snappy retorts on-hand. For example, if you’re pro-Kerry, the next time a Republican brags to you about the polls and the convention, and blah, blah, blah, try this:
“Yeah, Bush is really running a great campaign.
It’s just his presidency that sucks.”
Got any to add, on either side of the line?